PART FIVE - THE UNIQUE YOU

We are all wonderfully unique, with our own special brand of magic that dazzles the world. We have our own personalities and characteristics, qualities and quirks, talents and skills, values and beliefs. We look different, sound different. And that’s a truly beautiful thing. But it’s a sad fact that one of the most most googled questions in the UK in recent years has been “how to accept myself for who I am”.  That means there are a lot of people out there who are likely to be feeling unhappy, dissatisfied, and critical of themselves.

We should all – every single one of us – appreciate our uniqueness. We should take pride in it, cherish it… LOVE IT.  We should recognise our value in the world and to others. Celebrate our differences. Be the best version of ourselves we can be. So that when we form relationships, it’s the coming together of all these wonderful, unique lives – rather than feeling the need for us or others to conform to a ‘type’ or expecting others to come along and complete our lives for us. I don’t mean that in an unromantic way – I’m all for falling in love and finding soul mates – but if we treat ourselves with respect, love and kindness, and recognise what makes us special, we are better equipped to deal with relationships, with the world around us, and harness our uniqueness in a positive way. 

So, with that in mind, Part 5 is all about YOU. Because, while we’ve recognised the wonder of relationships and the meaning other people have brought to your lives so far, you could argue that the most important relationship we have in life is the one we have with ourselves.  We’ll look at what sets you apart, your personality and characteristics, where you values come from, your looks and mannerisms. How you see yourself, how others see you, and which unique individuals you have been inspired by.  

YOUR CHARACTER AND QUALITIES

When I met bereaved families and we talked about their loved one’s life and achievements, I always finished by asking “What were they like as a person?” It’s a case of ‘last but not least’, because I believe it’s the most important question – more important than where they went to school or what hobbies they had. But it wass often the hardest question to answer. People can look blank or struggle to respond. So, without putting words into their mouths, I tried to gently encourage them along, perhaps asking “Were they an outgoing sort of person or more reserved?”, “were they creative” or “did they have a good sense of humour?” and gradually we’d build up a picture of this person they knew and loved. Such as…

“Alan was thoroughly old-fashioned and very much set in his ways. All measurements had to be in centimetres and there was none of this ‘small, medium, large’ nonsense. As for food, he knew what he liked, and he liked what he knew. Alan’s horror following June’s unsuccessful attempt to introduce garlic bread onto the menu one day, is a classic example. But he did love a cup of tea and was affectionately known to his family as ‘tea belly’.”

Now, none of us are saints – we all demonstrate a colourful mix of behaviours from the good, the bad and, at times, perhaps even the ugly.  And I believe it’s important to give a full picture of who someone was, ‘warts and all’ as they say. But there are ways of being both accurate and respectful.  For example, someone who was clearly argumentative, opinionated and brutally honest can be remembered as someone who ‘knew their own mind and liked to share it’.  And I could see that most family and friends who were gathered on the day appreciated this refined honesty and welcomed the opportunity to nod and smile because they recognise dthe person I was talking about. And that’s really important.

What’s also important is recognising that how we see ourselves may be different from how others see us. For example, the person we are at home may be different to the person our colleagues see at work. So this is an opportunity for you to express what you think are the traits and qualities that define you. 

SO… how would you describe your character, personality and qualities? Click here for a list of traits… Or perhaps simply choose five words you think describe you.

Do you strongly recognise any of these traits in your parents, grandparents or other family members?
Do you have children or grandchildren who have inherited these qualities from you?

YOUR TALENTS AND SKILLS

Each and every one of us has a unique set of talents and skills. We are all good at something, and that something could be academic, artistic, practical, athletic, creative, humanitarian… or a combination of these. These talents may help you forge a successful career, benefit the community you live in, or the family you love. But each in its own way makes a difference – to us, to others and to the world in general.

What are your talents and skills?
How do you use them in life? (Look back at your life story, achievements, proud moments etc. to remind you)
Do they make a difference to others?

With the exception of our unique genes, we all enter the world the same ‘blank canvas’. In the years that follow we will be curious, impressionable, we’ll learn from others and we’ll learn for ourselves. And, before you know it, the things we do in life, the relationships we share, the places we visit, the events we experience, will have all played their part in making us who we are, shaping our outlook on the world and forming our values and beliefs.

What would you say your values are? Is kindness important? Fairness, compassion, empathy?
What matters to you? Is it success, happiness, your home, your family?
What issues do you care about? The environment, world peace, youth unemployment?
Do you have a faith or any spiritual beliefs?

LASTING IMPRESSIONS

You may have read through this Part, asking you to identify your qualities, skills and characteristics and thought – “don’t ask me!” Which is fair enough. You may feel others have a better idea of what you’re good at and how you come across. But are you brave enough to ask them? If so, go ahead! But remember, unless you approach family, friends and colleagues who ‘know their own mind and like to share it’ you may not get a completely full picture.  And, likewise, if you do ask someone who is brutally honest, you might not want to hear their verdict!

If you don’t feel up to the face-to-face approach, other places to look for comments on your character, skills etc. over the years are school reports, written feedback from employers, ‘thank you’ cards… if you’ve kept them.  Apparently my history teacher believed I was “A pleasure to teach with a very high standard of work.” My Chemistry teacher, however, felt I had “lost interest and therefore underachieved.” Oh well… you can’t be good at everything can you?

INSPIRATIONS

In Part Two – Your Relationships – you began to make of list of any famous faces you feel glad to have shared the planet with. Now that you’ve examined more closely your own skills, values and qualities, take another look at that list and think again about who has inspired you in life. Which artists, musicians, campaigners, scientists, politicians, humanitarians, adventurers, athletes, historical figures have helped to form your view of the world, given you words of wisdom, new ways of thinking, brave ideas, shaped your tastes and preferences, touched your soul, and rocked your world?