PART TWO - YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Every single person on the planet has a life inextricably intertwined with others. Even if you’ve spent your entire life as a hermit in the remotest of caves, shut off from society and civilisation, someone still gave birth to you. From mums and dads, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, husbands, wives, partners, sons and daughters, to friends, teachers, colleagues, and neighbours... we experience a wide and wonderful range of relationships. And that’s just the people we know!

More human beings than we could possibly imagine have been aware of our existence. What about all the people we don’t count as family - friends or acquaintances who have somehow played a part in our lives, as well as doctors and driving instructors?  And how about all those brief encounters we experience every day – a morning wave to a fellow dog walker, a chat about the weather with a fellow bus passenger? And not forgetting, of course, the all-important relationship we have with ourselves.

All these relationships have had an impact on our lives – some in a far more meaningful way than others. And as the years have gone by, the way we conduct these relationships, how we communicate and interact with people, has changed dramatically, especially in the last decade or two. That’s bad news if you liked receiving handwritten letters, but good news if you have loved ones in Australia you Zoom with once a week…

So now we’re going to look at the people who have shared in your life. Using the life story you put together in Part One, you can identify who has shared in your journey so far.  You did make a start on naming significant individuals. You won’t, of course, remember everyone – some names and faces will frustratingly elude you, while others take you by surprise as they pop into your mind.  

You’ll also think about which of your relationships have been the most significant and meaningful, and who you are grateful to have shared the planet with.  And we’ll look at ancestors who link us to the past and the people who will keep our memory alive in the future.

WHO HAVE YOU SHARED YOUR LIFE WITH?

That’s quite a big question, so let’s break it down a bit. There are two ways of approaching this, just as we did with your life story – in date order or subject matter. At this point we’re looking at the people you know, who you’ve shared a relationship with, so that will include family, friends, neighbours, teachers, colleagues, etc. It doesn’t matter how many names you get down, or who you do and don’t remember. You might just want to focus on your immediate family. There’s no right or wrong way of doing this. Remember – you can do as much or as little of each Part as you like, it’s entirely up to you - it’s your life, your story. And it’s a story which continues – new people will come into your life and others will leave – so it’s all a moveable feast.

Chronological
Using dates and/or ages, make a note of the people who were part of your life at that time. Use your life story to remind yourself where you were living and what you were doing.

Subject Matter
You might prefer to think in terms of groups of people. Such as…
Family – immediate and extended, the family you grew up with – parents, siblings, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins…Significant others – husbands, wives, partners, girlfriends, boyfriends.
Offspring – your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren
Friends – who you grew up with, studied with, worked with, shared interests, holidays and nights out.
Neighbours – from chatting over the fence to a friend in need
Teachers – the good, the bad and the inspirational
Colleagues – team work, office banter, Christmas parties.
Pets - the furry, four-legged companions you’ll never forget.

Some individuals will still be part of your life, others will be out of touch but still out there in the world somewhere, and some will have reached the end of their story. The point is to recognise and appreciate how your life has been intertwined with the lives of others, and those who have made the most impact…

FAMILY STORIES

When you work as a Funeral Celebrant, it’s abundantly clear how important family is to people. It was rare to have a ceremony without mention of the special part someone played in the lives of their loved ones – a much-loved dad, a loyal and loving wife, a proud mum, a thoughtful son… Sometimes, when I visited families, the desire to focus on those roles was so strong, it was difficult to shift the conversation onto other areas of life, such as work, interests or character and qualities. But it’s understandable – the focus on family gives everyone left behind a sense of having shared a meaningful connection with this person. A relationship that was both part of the wider family, and uniquely personal to the two of them.

Needless to say not all families are close and not everyone shares the same level of grief – funerals, like weddings, can reveal cracks in a family and, sometimes, widen those divisions. I had to tread very carefully at times. But, every week, I lead at least one ceremony that really encapsulated all that’s joyful and positive about being part of a tribe. Where the love and appreciation for this deeply missed person, their little quirks and well-known ways, their special place within the family, was recognised and celebrated, sometimes in the simplest of ways, like this…

“Stan’s parents were not wealthy people, but sometimes they managed a holiday to the coast. On one occasion his mum and dad boarded the coach and, on arriving at their destination, realised they had left him and his younger brother at the bus stop in Dorking!”

“Sylvia was fiercely intelligent, proudly independent and utterly unorthodox. Her daughters cringed at this when they were younger – as their mother would arrive at the school gates with a Victorian fur stole thrown nonchalantly around her shoulders, compared to their friends mother's who were more conservatively dressed in twin-sets and pearls. But as they grew older they were more grateful for Sylvia’s eccentricity – they loved the fact that their mum was a little different.”

“As big brother, it was Stu’s job to look after his young sister Sarah. She recalls he would take her swimming or to buy sweets, always in the knowledge that she was ‘cramping his style’. He took her to see the rock band Deep Purple for her 14th birthday, but that was more to do with his music tastes than hers.”

“On Rachel’s Wedding Day, everyone else left for the church and she was alone with her Dad. He told her how beautiful she looked then realised how scared and nervous she was. So he poured her a tot of neat Southern Comfort to try to calm her down. It didn’t work, but certainly gave her cheeks a bit of colour.”

SHARING THE PLANET

For the first six years of my life, I shared the planet with Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, David Bowie and all four Beatles. They’d never heard of me, obviously, but I delight in the fact that, for those few years, we all existed in the world together, all sharing the same planet, living under the same sun. I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time, of course, it’s only now I look back and realise it feels significant to me as a music fan. And there are many other well-known names and faces from all walks of life who I feel privileged to have admired from afar as they went about the world spreading their talents, genius and wisdom…

In Part Five, we’ll be looking at the people who have inspired you – past and present. But for now, as we’re looking at the people who shared in the journey of your life, you might like to begin making a note of any famous faces who you feel glad to have been alive alongside. Choose from entertainers, sports people, authors, artists, politicians or even royalty. 

THE CHAIN

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