what do i know?
Here’s little me… busy exploring the world and hoping to gain some wisdom along the way.
I turned 50 in 2019 and it feels quite significant to have been alive for half a century. Enough time to have accumulated a wealth of experiences, gained a bit of wisdom, and made plenty of mistakes. So here are 50 things my 50-something self has learnt over the years, in no particular order…
It’s important to have a laugh about something… every single day.
The guilt of not going for a run feels worse than the effort of getting out of bed to do it.
Letting one bad experience stop me from going to the dentist for a few years was a huge mistake – my gums and my bank balance didn’t thank me for it.
Good health is everything – both physically and mentally. You need to work on both.
Books are one of life’s absolute joys, especially reading in bed before I go to sleep. I’ve had a book by my bed every day of my life, since I first made it all the way through ‘Miffy Goes Flying’.
Try to go with the flow – not easy when, like me, you’re an obsessive planner and as un-spontaneous as you can possibly get. But life is constantly changing and I’ve learnt that best-laid plans sometimes have to change with it.
I’m really glad I’m alive. Simples.
Nature is absolutely flippin’ brilliant! And the older I get the more I appreciate it.
There is absolutely no excuse for bad manners.
Don’t take on a job just because it has a nice salary and swanky job title. Twice in the past I’ve been blinded by financial benefits and status, leading to an unhappy, inauthentic period of working. If you can, find work that means something to you. Then the benefits speak for themselves.
When I was young, I remember my Dad telling me “always treat people in a way you’d like to be treated”. He was so right. One of life’s essential lessons. Shame I didn’t heed his advice about going to the dentist...
Don’t expect your partner to make your life – let their life compliment yours. Good relationships are based on an equal footing and mutual respect. Accept nothing less. (And always go for the one who makes you laugh).
Sing and...
…play a musical instrument. I once did a memorial ceremony for a man who belonged to a ukulele band and his fellow band mates played live at the ceremony. It was fantastic! Next day I joined a local ukulele band. Having told myself I could never sing, play or perform, I then played, sang and performed at pubs and one or two music festivals for a couple of years – it was great fun! So yes, you can play an instrument and sing in your 40’s, 50’s and beyond. Now I play the guitar for myself and sing in the shower. No audience required.
Food Guilt Part One… If you’re going to have a second slice of cake, another beer, or finish the whole bag of Liquorice Allsorts just do it and enjoy every mouthful.
Buying your first car and fiddling with the cassette deck while approaching a roundabout is not a good idea. Pay attention while driving.
Be yourself. And be true to yourself. Always.
Don’t spend money on nice clothes and then leave them hanging in the wardrobe with the tag still on because you’re saving them ‘for best’. Wear the clothes!
Quality not quantity.
I’ve never truly mastered the art of gardening but I think it’s a metaphor for life – it’s always changing, you’re never quite on top of it, but when you get out there and start pulling up a few weeds, planting a few bulbs and immerse yourself in the moment, the rewards are bountiful.
I’m not a natural ‘glass-half-full’ optimist. But I’m doing my best.
Food Guilt Part Two… Choose fresh food over fast food whenever possible. But if you’re at a motorway services, miles from home, super hungry and only a burger, fries and vanilla milkshake will do, then go for it. Which leads nicely into…
…don’t be so hard on yourself. Life can be difficult enough without making ourselves feel bad all the time.
RELAX! Sometimes you just gotta let go.
All the weather apps in the world can’t predict, exactly, what we can expect in terms of sun, rain, wind, showers, etc. So just accept there is absolutely nothing we can do about the weather. And I have enough waterproofs for it not to matter (some with the tags still on).
‘Love your body for what it can do, not what it looks like’. The older you get, the more true those words are.
Time now for words of wisdom from Mum… among her many gems growing up was ‘cleanse, tone and moisturise daily’. My skin says ‘thank you Mum’. When I turned 50 people did seem genuinely surprised. Or perhaps they were just being kind… (refer back to number 23).
Knowing that one day I won’t be here anymore helps me to make the most of my life, the person I am and the people I love. That’s the ‘in-a-nutshell’ version. For a more detailed explanation look at my Mainfesto.
Some things just is… that’s what I tell myself when there’s no other explanation.
Everything always works out in the end… that’s what I tell myself when things are feeling a bit bleak.
I know, for a fact, I won’t be lying on my death bed thinking I should have worked more. I love my job and the work I do feels vocational rather than occupational – it’s meaningful to me and to others. BUT it’s not everything. It will, I hope, be just one of many happy flashbacks in the chapters of my life, before I slip away.
Regular trips to the seaside are good for my soul and sanity. One day I will live by the sea.
A home is for living in – it’s not a show home. Put the duster down (well, keep the home clean, of course, especially when visitors come and all the cushions have to be plumped up and the surfaces sparkling otherwise people will think badly of you…) OK - this is a lesson I still need to work on.
A good hairdresser is absolutely worth their weight in gold. Especially when you have short, quiffy hair and it needs cutting every four weeks.
Put your phone down. No really, put it down.
Be gentle with the elderly. One of the absolute privileges of my life has been leading funeral ceremonies for the older generation of this country, The couples who met at dances while Glenn Miller played, who never complained when their young lives were interrupted by war, who made the best of what they had, who kept calm and carried on. The knitting Nanna’s and the runner-bean growing granddads. Working hard for their families, content with simple pleasures. We owe them our care, kindness and compassion. And when it comes to passing on wisdom… who better to ask?
Accept the invitation. Even when you don’t really feel like peeling yourself off the sofa. Like point number one… you’ll be glad you made the effort.
Stop worrying.
“Everything in moderation” - as motto’s go I think that pretty much covers it all.
I said, stop worrying.
Have a bit of patience. Hmmm… tricky one this. I remember my parents buying me lovely craft kits for christmas and after five minutes I’d give up and they’d finish making whatever it was I’d started. And I’ve picked up my forgotten guitar, after months of not playing it, more times than I can recall. I don’t have a lot of patience but I know it’s a really important lesson in life. So, again, this is a work in progress.
Drink more water. Most of the time when I’m thinking about eating something I’m actually thirsty. So then I have a glass of water… and I eat something.
“You can’t always get what you want”… Oh Mick Jagger, how true those words are. There have been times in life where I haven’t got what I wanted in that particular moment, or episode in life. BUT, more often than not, something I didn’t expect arrived later. And it was better.
Gut instinct IS a thing. And it usually works.
Listening to people when they talk to you – and I mean really actively listening to someone – means a lot to that person. So (like point 11) listen to people in the way you’d like to be listened to.
Comparing yourself to other people is an absolute waste of time and energy. As my own motto goes (see Home Page) “we all bring something unique and valuable to the world”. So just let others do their own thing and stay in your own lane doing yours.
Don’t jump off the wall at the school bus stop. You’ll spend the next 42 years admiring the scar on your shin.
Music. Plug in daily. There’s a soul-quenching tune out there for every mood.
Realising your parents have suddenly grown older can come as a bit of a shock. One day they are chasing you round the garden, and the next they are having more doctor’s appointments and losing their confidence on public transport. That’s when it’s time to repay all the love, care, patience and support they gave to us. You only have one Mum and Dad.
Life is precious – spend more time doing what you love, with the people you love. If you only take away one of these points, make it this one...